September 07, 2007
Texas Attorney Won't Ditch Stinky Tie If Bin Laden Alive
Yesterday morning, we woke up to this news about Bob Flournoy, the Lufkin, Texas, city attorney who's been wearing a red, white and blue necktie since shortly after the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks. Flournoy vowed to keep wearing the tie until Osama bin Laden was captured or killed. But six years later, with the trail on the al-Qaida leader gone cold, Flournoy's tie was a tattered and smelly shadow of its original self.
What to do? Leave it to an attorney to come up with an out clause. The elusive terror mastermind was probably dead, Flournoy reasoned. If bin Laden did not prove that he was alive by next Tuesday, Sept. 11, Flournoy would declare him dead and take off his American flag necktie for good.
Looks like Flournoy might be stuck with his fragrant albatross for some time.
ABC News is reporting their intelligence sources believe a new video message from bin Laden is real and that it indicates he's still alive.
"An initial analysis of the tape indicates 'a lot of chest thumping' and of course historical references 'alluding' to the successful attack on New York," Brian Ross reports.
We reached Flournoy on the phone today, and he was as stunned as anyone at the coincidence.
"Maybe the news made it all the way to Tora Bora," Flournoy said of his challenge in the Lufkin Daily News to go mano-a-mano with the 6'6" Saudi extremist.
Flournoy was clearly hopeful the tape was a hoax. "I want proof," he said in his Texas twang. "I want to see the white of his eyes. But you can't see the white of his eyes because they're all red. He's the devil himself."
He continued, "Maybe it's Harry Reid with a fake beard."
The dark, bushy beard bin Laden is seen wearing was the first tip-off that the tape might be recycled footage. The last time we saw the 50-year-old Islamic fundamentalist, he sported prominent streaks of gray. Former White House counterterrorism advisor Richard Clarke told ABC that the footage might be real and the beard a fake, indicating bin Laden is hiding out in Southeast Asia, where Muslim men are typically cleanshaven.
The tie is now held together with velcro, and Flournoy often hides it under sweaters in the searing Texas heat. He insists, though, that he will only doff the necktie with honor. If U.S. intelligence agencies determine the tape to be recent and authentic, Flournoy says he will go on as the town Pigpen.
"It's been real. It's been fun. It just hasn't been real fun," he sighed.
